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For the Week of Heart – Part 4

February 14, 2013

Broken Heart

Love is more than just gooey feelings. The gooey feelings are a part of it, and indeed they are sweet – they’re gooey like melted caramel drizzled on top of a sundae drowning in hot fudge with two cherries on top.

However, at it’s core, love is a decision.

Being more than a feeling, love is a commitment based on a decision which should be based on knowledge. First and foremost you should possess a thorough and growing knowledge of yourself.

What do you like and love? What do you dislike and loathe? What do you look for in a potential mate? What is it you like about your friends enough to withstand the things about them that annoy the crap out of you? What are some character traits you absolutely cannot live with? What are some interests you have, that if your partner didn’t share, you could still have a meaningful and dynamic relationship? What are your personal and fundamental beliefs and views on faith? If the two of you aren’t aligned in this aspect, the odds are against you.

Once you have a solid sense of self, keep it that way! Don’t change for anything unless it’s something you see as an essential for the betterment of your life. Don’t change your appearance – don’t change anything about yourself simply because a potential partner would prefer you that way.

Fellas, she – ladies, he – should love you as you are. If this is not the case, politely conclude that broadcast day and tune in to a different station.

Don’t date in a vacuum – it sucks. Have a coven of trusted friends who know you well and can be blunt with you. It’s easy to be blinded by love’s sweet affections.

…and boobs.

I mean, seriously. Men – don’t let yourselves be turned into a loaf of bread. This is why we need our friends to see things we may not and warn us to keep us from making a huge mistake.

If you’re familiar with the U.S. Version of The Office, compare and contrast the relationships Michael Scott has with Jan Levinson and Holly Flax, respectively. Which one was torturously wonderful and which one was simply torturous? The one with the ample rack or the one who would unabashedly speak in a Yoda voice?

Now, you’re not going to know everything about your partner before you walk down the aisle. Marriage, of course, is the ultimate expression of, and itself commitment of love. Love, being a decision based in knowledge, marriage being that commitment to love each other in the most possibly intimate relationship until your mate is pried from your cold, dead embrace.

As with anything that stands the test of time, it takes time to develop a solid foundation. It takes time to get to know the core components of your love interest. Like I said, you can’t know every little detail, but you can know enough to make a measured and wise decision. You’ll have the rest of your lives to learn each other’s details.

And this is not the absorption of one life into another – there is no dominant host nor should there be a parasite leeching off the host’s energy. It’s a merging of two lives into one: vitally connected, but still each other’s own person. Like the bridge between the red and blue universes in Fringe. They were on a course to destroy each other – instead they were brought into balance and thus vitally connected. If you haven’t watched Fringe, yet, get on Netflix of Amazon Prime and do so. It’s five seasons of classic sci-fi goodness with an epic love story at its center – the love of family.

And that, dear friends – or enemies – is what it’s all about. Not just committing to someon for the sake of sex, but for fulfilling the point of sex: making a family. In its most graceful terminology, having sex is described as making love. What could be better than conceiving a child, one most in need of love, in the most most intimate expression of love itself?

Now, with all that being said, it’s not going to be smooth sailing the whole time. Life will throw the two of you plenty of curve balls. You’ll throw each other some curve balls (and curvy balls) from time-to-time and you’re going to bean each other. But remember your commitment.

The essence of love is loving someone unworthy of it.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E.

Love is more than a feeling.

Love is a decision.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

SONG PLAYING WHEN THE MUSE STRUCK: Everybody’s Changing – Hopes and Fears – Keane

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